Transparency

I love how God talks through everyday things to draw our attention to Himself. Take for instance my cat Callie. (We have 3 cats actually Inky, Callie and Dude!) Callie just would not leave me alone the other morning. It was my day off and I wanted to sleep in a bit. Nothing doing! She kept coming in and yowling and mewing and batting my hand with her head to pet her! Now mind you, Tom had already fed her, so she wasn't starving by any means! She got as close as she possibly could to me, purring so loudly she could be used for that "white noise" used to drown out undesirable sounds! After much petting, she happily snuggled up with my hand on her, content to be by my side.

This set me to thinking and talking to God and my lovely bridegroom Jesus. Sometimes I just want to feel His hand upon me. I "know" He is there, but I need to know His touch! Need to feel His hand upon me. I thought about how insistent Callie was for me to pay her attention. she wouldn't take no for an answer. And how woefully neglectful I am to the lover of my soul and yet HE waits patiently longing for my company and my voice calling to Him. I thought too how deep in my heart I CRAVE His touch, His voice, to be in the intimate one on one with Him and how I too want to snuggle up close to Him! And yet I run. Yet I lag. Yet I push aside meaningful moments in favor of demands of the day that in retrospect could wait or be ignored totally. Sometimes I don't understand me! I long for Him and He longs for me.

So what holds me back? What keeps me from rushing into my lover's arms? Sometimes it is the mental image of all my day to day mistakes. My sharp lilt in answering a frustrating person on the phone. Or my procrastination at getting chores done... or the way I fret over things instead of just trusting. But I am growing... and He is wooing me ever closer!

Just today as I struggled with putting something into His hands that could have a huge impact on my future if it turns out badly... I distinctly heard Jesus say to me, "So, my Blood isn't enough to cover you in this?" My response was , "I know your Blood covers my sins, but this decision is in the hands of people who see my past mistakes and who rate and compare my productivity to that of others..." And He said, "That is where my Favor comes in. Trust my Favor upon you. Trust My Goodness to you. Your failings are under My Blood. Now trust the people you deal with and who deal with you into My hand of favor and mercy. "

You know, no matter how things turn out, I'm in His hands and so,
all is and will be well.

Prov. 21:1 Like flowing water is the heart of the king in the hand of Yahweh, who turns it where he pleases. (Jerusalem Bible)

Turn my heart Lord, that it is always towards you and never looking away. Even when I think to hide, come calling for me like you did for Adam in the garden, for I really don't want to hide from you. Besides which there is NO hiding from You! Those filthy rags of self righteousness that we (I) tend to draw around ourselves (myself), trying to make us look good, trying to cover up our own sense of inadequacy, inferiority, and lack- Those filthy rags are a stench in your nostrils, when You've already provided garments pure, clean and sparkling white for us to put on. And yet we so often (I so often) try to do things myself, working so hard at a losing battle! Finding it difficult to just trust in Your Grace and just accept Your Love and not put on ourselves (myself) the same "quotas" or "figures of productivity" that the world judges us by.

Lord, I "know" all these things, yet they still creep in, trying to crack a whip over me and fill my heart with fear, fill my mind with self recriminations, pollute my very soul that you took stripes to make whole. Ah Lord, wash me fresh with the water of Your Word, minister Your Truth again to me by your Precious Holy Spirit. Jesus, come hold me close and remind me again of my worth that is not found in any earthly measurements. And thanks for sending Callie just now to come jump into my arms even as I am typing, begging to be petted once more. I get the message! I think I'll turn off this computer and come be with You!